Day 100: Dialed 911

I was at a high school baseball game and some old lady got HOUSED in the forehead by a line drive foul ball. So I dialed the number and told them to send a damn amboolance.

Day 99: Had gas

Had gas

Day 98: Cleared all items on the DVR

There was a time when this DVR was nipping at 100 % with episodes of Lost, Tim and Eric, Tom Goes to the Mayor, Outer Limits (old and new), Simpsons, Cheap Seats, Urban Legends, Scare Tactics, and lots and lots of Americas Funniest Videos. If I neglected any of my favorite shows its not because I don't love you.

Now after many months of diligent work the DVR is empty, maybe for the first time since it first recorded a show. But only until 1 a.m. when it records another ep of Tim and Eric. It's OK though, cause I've already seen that one so I can delete it or watch it in only 15 minutes.

Day 97: Clipped a coupon

It's for $1.50 off two Emerald Nuts products 5 oz or larger. I don't like how coupons started becoming for multiple products, cause sometimes its like $1.00 off 8 packs of gum, but this one wasn't bad because it's basically like .75 off each jar of nuts.

I like Emerald nuts, not quite the brand recognition of Planters, but a quality nut that I like to munch in the wee hours of the morning as I sip a glass of fine Evan Williams whiskey.

I may also try some of those jalapeno nuts because I've gotten on a kick where everything I have has to be very spicy or hot.

Day 96: Received a photographic speeding violation by mail

For going 37 in a 25. Come on! 12 over? And $50. Gimme a break!

At least you can fight it, and there's no points. And I plan to fight it. I'm going to request a trial, and then change the date, just to really gum up the system that would allow this miscarriage of justice.

What if I was speeding up to avoid crashing into a baby carriage or something? Or what if there was a bomb in my car and it would explode if I went slower than 35? Or what if I spilled hot coffee on my good ones and I stood on the gas pedal?

What's next? Will they take a picture of me with a radar from outer space pouring motor oil down the laundry tub and send me a ticket? Or will they see me fondling myself and my thunderpants will catch on fire? Or will they use sekret wire taps in my cell phone and send me a fine every time I send a test message about taking muscle relaxers for fun? Or a seatbelt that strangles you every time you try to drive without using it?

The problem is that a human cop might see that it was a real nice day and there was little traffic and I was just driving the speed of traffic and my car is so new I didn't realize how powerful it was and I was running late and if I got in a crash I could just brace myself against the steering wheel. But that robot in the camera can not reason or have mercy. He only has one function.

Day 95: Buried yet another fish

It was one of the small danilos. Poor little guy. His belly was all swelled out and he was stuck in this fake plastic plant. I wonder if I fed them too much?

Maybe I'm just not cut out for fish keeping. I've only really managed to keep one original alive from when I started the aquarium about six months ago. The rest die after a week or two. Or maybe that one is biting all the other ones that I put in there.

Sometimes it seems like they die after a wild party in the basement, and maybe the noise and the stress is what's killing them.

Day 94: Played indian leg wrestling

Not indian mud wrestling.

Native American leg wrestling.



That's not me, it's two babes from YouTubes